Work and moving have left this blog woefully neglected. As a consolation, go to my other blog for a post about music… linky
I’m back! It’s a bit shocking how long I’ve been working. A 4-day stint at BBDO somehow kept expanding until it ended up being a 3-week stint, with the possibility that it’ll go on again.
It was a new working environment for me. I’m used to small design studios with maybe 6 designers max. BBDO is simply on a different scale. With the desire to impress, I worked my ass off. Normal credos (such as always taking a full hour lunch, not consistently staying late, or working on weekends) all went out the window. I figure this is a place that opens doors and also pays pretty well so it’d be smart to get on their good side. I guess I did since they kept calling me in. They even started turning to me to do some of the work of another freelancer who wasn’t impressing them.
What bugged me about all my previous jobs were the office politics and egos that I constantly had to dance around with, and that definitely doesn’t go away, even in a place like BBDO. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. In fact, when you upgrade to the talent and reputation of a place like this, egos are likely to be much bigger. The difference this time around for me was that I was new so it didn’t bother me, but also knowing that I was a freelancer and not going to be invested long-term to anything. It was a liberating feeling. I just got to enjoy the environment, work hard on interesting stuff, and let others handle the dirty work.
So now I’m back at my apartment. Let’s hope this stint doesn’t last 3 months like the last one. Actually, BBDO called late last night to see if I could work the rest of this week. But I had some things to take care of so told them I couldn’t go in until Wednesday. There’s a chance they’ll pass but I’m hoping I get to go back in. It’s nice to catch a breather after working but I’m wary of passing too much up in case I go through another extended dry spell.
Today was dedicated to catching up and clearing away all the build up. Groceries, laundry, going to the gym were all shoved aside since I had no time to do anything while working at BBDO. I’m amazed at how anyone who works there gets other things in their lives done. Which is probably why New Yorkers invented drop-off laundry, take-out, 24 hour gyms and Fresh Direct.
I also wanted to get to the phone app that Vic and I have been working on. We’re both itching to get it done and released so that it can start selling and hopefully make some money. So that’s what most of the afternoon was spent on.
I somehow have a backlog of websites to help create. I’ve also been seeing things I want to do differently on my site which is ridiculous since it was just redone in June. But that’s the curse of the designer: you can never stop trying to change and improve your work.
The evening consisted of going with Sok to see Fantastic Mr Fox, which was pretty fantastic. I was starting to lose faith in Wes Anderson after The Life Aquatic, and especially after The Darjeeling Limited. But everything was perfectly done in this stop-motion gem. Jason Schwartzman hit it out of the park with his voice acting. Throughout the movie, the audience was laughing and clearly enjoying it all. I’m not a film expert by any means but it is obvious to realize the genius and talent of Anderson as a filmmaker. His work is on a higher level than 99% of anyone else in his profession. People talk of visionaries of the past and I have a feeling they’ll be talking of Anderson in the same way.
Daily Panic Level: Low
Financial Outlook: Good, once I get that first check from BBDO
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 8 – 4 – 27
Last Night’s Meal: Popcorn
So much for things slowing down after the summer. The upcoming weekend is already jam-packed. I’ve been invited to two separate football game watching parties which doesn’t even include a game involving MY team so I have to weigh in three games plus a scavenger/photo/keg party, a pub crawl and a birthday dinner/party. And that’s just Saturday.
Hopefully that doesn’t come off as gloating. I would prefer a more low-key weekend especially since Tony and I need that time to start looking for an apartment. Time is definitely not on our side.
Today was more running around, taking care of random stuff: post office, dry cleaning, etc. I’ve done some minor job hunting but I’ve had to hold back on applying to some positions because I’ll be unavailable next week. I’m considering just foregoing any searching for this week.
What I haven’t forgone is catching up on a few TV shows and movies.
I finally got caught up on seasons 1 and 2 of Madmen and I’m reluctantly coming around to admit that it is a great show. The sexism, racism, elitism is still off-putting. I also don’t want to cheer for Don Draper since he’s such a pompous ass at times, but the show is great at making him a jerk but not enough to turn you against him. Another character, Pete Campbell, you could easily see him becoming a one-dimensional scumbag, but they create enough shades of him to make him somewhat sympathetic. And I love the skinny ties and gray suits.
I was all set to dive into season 3 but discovered that our DVR deleted the first few episodes after a while. Damn you, technology!
I also caught up on 30 Rock‘s third season and was jolted at the appearance of… Don Draper! But not Don… this one smiled and was kind of nice. I got a kick out of seeing Don Draper’s likeness flailing around ineptly on a tennis court. Kind of kills the aura that Madmen created around the guy.
I had a similar eyebrow raising recognition moment when Pete Campbell’s wife showed up as a cast regular on Community. I haven’t fully gotten on board with the show yet but it has potential.
I finally saw Mighty Aphrodite and was impressed with how much I enjoyed Mira Sorvino. It’s been a slow journey catching up with Woody Allen flicks (Annie Hall is sublime) since my family isn’t exactly the target market for neurotic Jewish guys talking a lot.
I’d always recognized Sorvino from strangely quirky (Romy and Michelle) to questionable (Mimic) movies so was surprised that she’s an Oscar winner and a Harvard grad! Her performance was Allen’s movie was great but maybe it was more inspired casting than inspired acting. I’d be interested in seeing more of her roles to get a better gauge before totally writing her off.
Daily Panic Level: Slightly higher
Financial Outlook: Need to be more concerned than I am
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 7 – 3 – 22
Last Night’s Meal: Game hen with herb butter and mashed potatoes, leftovers
Looks like my prayers for “one measly job” were answered. I should’ve asked for a million dollars. So this project isn’t too glamorous or high-paying, but it’s something, right? Hopefully this will be the small stone that will start an avalanche of work.
…I think I just quoted a line from the Lord of the Rings. Oh man, am I a total geek or what? It wasn’t even an attempt at being snarky; it was something that naturally came out. Some dude in a football jersey needs to come stuff me in a locker.
So I spent most of the day working on the project which was tough since the new roommate and his parents were around to distract me with their noise and questions. I guess I’d gotten used to complete silence. My last job was full of ringing phones and frantic coworkers running around shouting for things. I do not miss that at all.
The dad was asking me questions and I began to realize that he was sort of talking down to me. Probably unintentional, like he was speaking to a kid, which I’m clearly not. But then it hit me that his 21 year old son is moving in to my apartment. How could he not forget that I’m 30 years old? Good lord, I’m a 30 year old with multiple roommates. I’m seriously lagging in the Adulthood game.
My main mission for today was to hit up the Drink N Draw session again. It’d been on my list ever since my first time and I haven’t been able to make it back. I started off rusty as usual but was really starting to feel like I began to recapture some of those long lost drawing skills. Or maybe it was the seemingly endless cans of PBR that I was gulping down which probably skewed my perception and made me think that I was doing good work.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high
Financial Outlook: Surviving
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 14
Last Night’s Meal: Angus steak with squash
Jobhunting is a grim affair right now. There’s just not that much out there. I’ve pretty much exhausted any network connections. Plus, I’m leaving for Europe in a week so it feels like maybe I should just put the hunt on hold and concentrate on other things. But money is a big issue nowadays and I can’t sit still knowing that I’m not putting in at least some sort of effort.
I woked up completely wiped from the weekend. I planned to get up early and be productive but it looked like the day was going to be a waste. I managed to get some things taken care of and I’ve been keeping up with my promise to sketch everyday. It’s been in a limited capacity and slow going but I’m starting to feel more comfortable and a bit more warmed up as far as my drawing skills.
In the past few months, several friends made references to the movie Labyrinth and I couldn’t remember enough of it to connect the jokes. Thus I netflixed it and today it made it into my mailbox. I actually watched this movie in the theaters and hadn’t seen it since. The things I remember from that experience were: being blown away by the fact that the intro to a character was watching him pee, and falling in love with that hot girl (who ended up growing up and still being that “hot girl”). Of course IMBD didn’t exist back in the day (or the internet) so it took years to make the connection.
I watched in disbelief as Bowie strut around amongst muppet goblins singing and dancing. I was wondering what was he thinking in that moment? It’s those kinds of roles that could cause a career to quickly slide into mockery and humiliation, but he was talented and bad-ass enough to pull it off.
Watching it with more (arguably) cognitive abilities, I could easily see how they relied heavily on The Wizard of Oz as a template. Sarah (Connelly) was obviously Dorothy, Hoggle was a coward (like the Lion), Ludo was dimwitted (like the Scarecrow), and Didymus… well, he didn’t line up with the Tin-man very well. He had heart but was clearly oblivious. And there was even a dog!
It’s funny to re-view the movie after so many years. The genius of Jim Henson is clear, and sorely missed. He’ll be forever tied to the wholesome Muppets and Sesame Street but he clearly had an interest in darker themes and visuals, seen in this movie and The Dark Crystal. Maybe that’ll be added to my Netflix queue next.
Daily Panic Level: High
Financial Outlook: Need to be disciplined this week
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 1 – 13
Last Night’s Meal: Omelet
I was awakened today by a phone call. I was too groggy to catch it in time, but noticing the 212 number, I guessed it was probably a headhunter about another job possibility. The message was indeed from a recruiter who said that a client saw my work and wants to interview me for a 2 week job. I laid there a moment and actually pondered not returning the call.
I’m not sure what really happened. A wave of panic hit me. I think I’d gotten a bit used to sitting home useless and the prospect of working for someone again worried me. I was talking with a friend last night about how neither of us were too eager to get back into doing art or music. We both had the same sense of fear of starting up again only to realize we’re total failures. The logical side of my brain usually has control, but I’ve noticed I tend to get very anxious before important calls or meetings. Something about performing and the risk of looking like a complete idiot, I think. Fear of failure?
In reality, this doubt lasted about 5 minutes and I called the recruiter back to set up an interview today. The meeting was with a client that’s more business-oriented than the ones I usually meet with so it felt more appropriate to dress up, thus I busted out the tie and slacks.
Turns out the interviewer absolutely loved me and my work. She seemed very eager to work with me. The job was secretive, even during the interview she couldn’t tell me what I’d be doing. And the timeline was estimated longer than I was told. Which runs into the problem of me being in Europe for two weeks. Though she seems committed to trying to work with that, it might be a deal-breaker.
Goddamnit! I knew this trip would be a bad idea. My parents pushed so hard for me to go, thinking I had all the free time in the world and now it’s going to possibly cost me a paying job. Argh, I feel as though I have the worst work luck in the world. Most of my friends have had some sort of break in their careers or a stroke of luck somehow. I look back and think that I’ve fought tooth and nail for every inch of my progress and it hasn’t gotten me very far.
The only thing that really keeps me from questioning my whole career path is that whenever prospective clients view my work, they are almost always blown away. The problem is finding those clients and getting people to actually look at my work.
Eh, this post turned into a whine-fest real fast.
On a brighter note, a friend alerted me to the fact that the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are playing Radio City in September. I have no idea how she found out so quickly because I saw no announcement for the show until later today. Luckily I managed to secure a decent ticket. It’s a seated venue, which I always dislike, especially for an energetic show like the YYYs. But still, I figured it’d be worthwhile to see at least one show at Radio City while I live in New York. And it’s the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Daily Panic Level: Lowering
Financial Outlook: Yup, still poor
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 3 – 1 – 8
Last Night’s Meal: Chicken with onions and peppers over rice, leftovers
—
1 Year Flashback
Drudgery.
Another day, another coffeeshop. For a guy who absolutely does not drink coffee, I spend a lot of time around it.
Today is Gorilla Coffee in the Slope. I’ve always liked their branding but have never stepped into the shop. Like Friday, I’m pretty much dedicated to trying to stimulate my creativity. Though my brilliant idea for an iPhone app that was going to make me rich has already been created, and it’s making someone else rich.
I had a good weekend, which tends to make it harder to be motivated. I’m lulled into a false sense of security and contentment. Maybe I should try being more miserable to light a fire under my ass. Although, I think I’ve been pretty disciplined so far. My living room contains a large flat screen with DVR and a Wii and I haven’t been tempted to waste away in front of it during the day. Yet.
I decided to set up my Holga camera. I haven’t touched it in over a year and that’s a crime. The problem is that film and development are so expensive. But my poor Holga has been neglected far too long so I’m going to take it out for a spin in the next few days. I can’t wait. There’s something that can’t be captured on digital cameras. Or maybe it’s just my crappy digital camera.
Speaking of photography, I got to meet up with someone I worked with on previous photoshoots. He’s a photographer who’s relatively new in the city so has yet to establish himself. He’s having the same issues as I am getting in the door of some of the places, so we met to just see if we could help each other out, essentially networking.
It’s a bit frustrating to see so many aspiring, talented people struggle in this city. I know several graphic designers, artists, fashion designers and now a photographer who all say they can’t seem to break past that first barrier. It has nothing to do with talent or skill, it’s all about who you know. I used to naively think that it didn’t matter if you went to a fancy school or schmoozed with the “right” people.
I’ve been having bouts of insomnia lately and this night I found myself at 2am browsing the iTunes music store. I stumbled upon a few Radiohead b-sides that I hadn’t heard yet. There was a time when I would scour for obscure tracks from my favorite bands. So much great music is hidden from people who rely on radio or MTV to tell them what to listen to.
One of my favorite Radiohead songs is a b-side found on a limited edition EP during the OK Computer era. Meeting in the Aisle is an electronic, instrumental only track, which was unheard of for the band at the time. It was like discovering a secret chamber in a house you’d lived in for years. The chill beats were perfect background music and there were plenty of nights in my dorm room when I’d let it play endlessly on repeat (on my CD player!) all night.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high
Financial Outlook: Okay, not great
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Tofu with vegetables
—
1 Year Flashback
I just discovered Lala, which is a great site for discovering music. It’s like iTunes but you can hear entire songs and follow the playlists of people with good tastes.
It reminded me of my old job where one guy would dominate the controls of the music in the studio. He would put it on one particular internet radio station and refuse to deviate from it. We quickly noticed that the station played the same playlist day in and day out so learned to loathe certain songs after hearing them for the 10th time in a given day. And he still refused to change it.
On days he’d be gone, we’d change the station but he would change it right back when he came back. I’m not sure if I preferred this to the agonizing silence of the job before.
I’ve disappointed myself lately. My daily schedule has slid later so that that I wake up later and go to bed later. This cannot happen. So I forced myself out of bed at 9:00 (which still looks ridiculously late as I type it) and headed off to the gym.
Today was going to be a bit of a change-up so I grabbed my stuff to head off to a cafe in the West Village. Spacious, with wi-fi, and a colorful collection of people around me, I thought it’d be a good way to get me into the mindset of doing stuff for myself and not just browse online job boards.
I had to fight off a severe bout of mental inertia but I also didn’t want to pressure myself. The last thing I need is to feel the weight of needing to “get stuff done”. I tried to let my mind flow a bit more freely than usual, and came up with a few art project ideas without thinking about feasibility or financial gain. Nothing great, but it’s the slow trickle that will hopefully unleash more and better ideas in the future.
One thing that had been on the backburner for a while is a photography project that I’ve wanted to undertake, but have been daunted by how. Even today, I’m balked by all the things I’d have to get together and figure out. But at least making a list feels like some sort of progress:
- need med/large format camera (problems: don’t have one, never used one)
- dark room facilities (there are places in Manhattan that can be rented. problems: never actually developed color photos, may need to take a class)
- print materials (mainly large photo print paper, i’m talking 3 ft tall at least)
- lighting equipment (can probably get from a friend, but haven’t had a lot of experience doing a setup)
- models (need a wide variety of ages, sizes, types, who can commit to several shoots over a period of approx 6 months)
- clothing (need a type of article for each model; due to the variety of the models, I’d have to find someone with access to a large quantity of clothing)
- 6 month time frame (initially to brief the models, do preliminary shoot, an interim shoot, and then a final shoot)
Uuuuuuugh. There’s way too much that I don’t know how to do or get. Fuuuuuuck.
A friend emailed me asking if I wanted to go on a canoeing trip this weekend, but alas I don’t have the cash to front the trip. I was bummed because I had just a week ago expressed to another friend how great it’d be to be able to go and do a kayak or canoe trip sometime. I was reflecting on the offer and realized that this group of friends has invited me to things in the past but only at the last minute because another person had backed out. It’s not like I’m close friends with the group so don’t have a huge issue with being their backup friend, but it still bruises the ego a bit.
In the evening, I ended up watching Cloverfield despite the bad reviews from several friends. Due to the low expectations, I ended up not hating it as much as I thought. The trailers and ads drummed up curiosity in me but I opted to not see it on the big screen, lest I throw up from motion sickness. I figured my smaller screen would be more tolerable, although there were still moments of frustration and nausea.
My impression is: Okay, so I was underwhelmed by the monster, but was impressed at the approach to the filmmaking. Knowing that much of the New York landscape was CGI, I have to give major props to the visual effects for tracking such a jittery and chaotic camera and making the city look seamlessly real. And I thought the narrow focus of the film helped bring you into it rather than watching it from afar. There were complaints that there was no explanation to the monster or the resolution, but the movie is deliberately kept at the point of view of the characters. I buy it. And yeah I was groaning in frustration as the characters made the classic horror movie terrible decisions, but that’s something they have to do. If they were sensible like I imagine I would be in that situation, they’d flee the city and there’d be no movie. That leads to the ultimate problem of the movie: They try to create the most realistic scenario as possible but then ask you to suspend your belief in the characters.
I also read complaints about how the movie was just focused on these bland yuppies that no one would care about. I sheepishly admit that while watching the opening party scene, I was thinking how it seems like a pretty decent party and could have imagined my friends in that very place. Am I a bland yuppy?? ?
There was the bombshell lead girl that was the cause of our group’s crusade into the chaos, but I gotta say I was more smitten with the Marlena character. The hair, eyes, clothes, and personality… I wouldn’t have complained if she had more screen time.
And what is it with Hollywood’s obsession with laying the smack down on New York City? It feels like there have been a lot of movies recently featuring the destruction of Manhattan. I’ll let the New York Times dive into that.
That said, I love seeing movies set in New York. Like I said in an earlier post, I still have an infatuation with the city and will always focus on the background when characters are walking on the streets. I’m always trying to figure out where they are. In Cloverfield, they duck into the 6 train station at Spring Street and all I could think was “That’s not what the station looks like! WTF??”
Just for that, thumbs down. Oh wait… Marlena… hmmmm.
Daily Panic Level: Medium
Financial Outlook: Carefully spending
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Marinara meat sauce with penne rigatoni
—
1 Year Flashback
Vacation’s over. Back to Hell.
I was determined not to be stuck in the apartment all day today. I woke up and immediately texted Vic to see if he was up for a ride over to Williamsburg to find another cafe to work at. I still haven’t found a place that I’m completely in love with, and Billyburg seems to be the best bet. I guess I’m trying to live the glory days of being cool at Spiderhouse in Austin.
We hopped around to a few different coffeeshops and overall it was a productive day. I hunted for a few jobs and contacted the few remaining people I know. The ties to people are getting thin. I emailed a guy I worked on a photoshoot with once. He’ll probably ignore me, if he even remembers who I am.
I inadvertently applied to a Craigslist posting by a recruiter. He immediately called me to set up a meeting. Recruiters love me and they keep teasing me about jobs but I have yet to land any. Nonetheless, having a few people out there looking for jobs for me can’t be a horrible thing.
In the evening, Tony popped in one of my Beatles Anthology DVDs so I sat down and watched it with him. We kept talking about how amazing it was that these four guys did so much and innovated the music industry in so many ways. They were the first to have all top five places in the charts AT THE SAME TIME, they played a giant stadium concert (Shea) when it was unheard of, they were the first to release a music video, the first to incorporate indian music, the first to incorporate feedback sound, the first to create a cohesive album, the list goes on. And they were in their mid-twenties.
That sort of depressed me. Then again, how many people’s list of accomplishments in life can stack up to the Beatles?
Daily Panic Level: High
Financial Outlook: Bad
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 1 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Angus beef with roasted potatoes
—
1 Year Flashback
Still in Florida trying to shake off the bad feelings of my job. My cousins had brought an Xbox with Rock Band so we were blasting in the hotel room during the rain.
I have no will power. My alarm goes off at 8:30 and I can’t convince myself that it’s worth it to get up and go to the gym. If I’m pretty sure I’d throw a temper tantrum if someone were to come in and try to forcibly get me to go workout. I got up at 10:30.
I’m giving my old Apple Powerbook to my dad next week so I needed to devote some time to setting it up for him. That means going to the Apple Store to buy a new battery. A $129 battery. I love and hate Apple. They sell the notion of a sexy, cool, rich lifestyle and most of the time I buy into it. But there are days like today when I face the cold reality that I’m not sexy, cool, or rich. But I bite the bullet and buy the battery. My dad should be happy with his cool Apple laptop. Although I have no idea why he really wants it. It’s not like he’s a technophile. All he needs for a computer is to check work email. Then again, he’s always loved getting hand-me-downs from me. Yeah, ironic. He’s taken my old iPods, and even clothes. Material worth doesn’t matter much to him unless it’s car-related.
As for work, I’m in a weird situation. I’m leaving Friday and will be out of town for a week. That pretty much kills any ability for me to find work this week. I don’t want to hit up companies for jobs and then tell them that I can’t do anything next week. My friend Tony’s been pulling for his current company to bring me in, and they keep waffling on it. They like my work and could use the help but can’t get their shit together. There was a slight chance of work this week, but it didn’t happen. Grrrrrrrr!
I spent my evening cooking and then watching The Wrestler. It was acclaimed and a friend highly recommended it, but I was still unsure of how interested I was in seeing it. Shows how good my judgement is because I thought it was amazing. It was a tragic story and even though I could map out where it was going to go, I couldn’t help but cheer on the guy because of Mickey Rourke’s inspired performance. Rourke played the pathos and pride perfectly, never really dipping too far into either.
Inevitably, this kind of story makes me wonder where I’ll be when I’m an old man and pray that I don’t end up a sad, shell of a person. That’s probably a driving force for why I didn’t settle down back in my hometown like so many classmates. I couldn’t stand the idea of knowing what the rest of my life was going to be like. I didn’t like the idea of limiting my realm to what I had already known. Even now, I have no idea or plan for the future and I like that. I’m pretty sure though that I won’t end up back in Dallas.
Watching The Wrestler somewhat jumbled my feelings a bit. If I chose the safe, predictable route, I could take some solace in growing up with friends and a family. I recall an episode of Friends that haunted me. (Yes, Friends. I never bought into the craze, but did watch quite a few episodes.) This particular show was about their neighbor, an eccentric old man who would weird everyone out with his crazy rants and quirky behavior. When he suddenly died, the job of going through and clearing out his apartment was (naturally) delegated to our lovable gang.
In rummaging through his possessions, they discovered that in his youth, he was actually regarded as a fun-loving, funny guy with lots of friends. Somewhere along the way, he got old and became a crazy, lone hermit.
Despite the laugh-track, I couldn’t help but put myself in his place and calculated the likelihood of my achieving this horror. It doesn’t look good so far.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high, mainly for feeling helpless and stuck until after my trip
Financial Outlook: Feeling poor
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 1 – 1 – 4
Last Night’s Meal: Penne with meat and marinara sauce
—
1 Year Flashback
This day last year was on a Sunday so I was probably frantically checking job boards online, spurred on by the thought of facing another week at my job.
