Look who’s back! And unemployed again.
I never forgot about this blog, but amazingly, I was employed every day since the last post (excluding holidays and a short trip out to San Fran last week). I even worked on New Year’s Eve day which was extra rough since my roommate and I had decided to throw a New Year’s Eve party.
So much has happened and it seems as though there was absolutely no time to do anything, yet somehow it also feels like I’ve accomplished very little for myself in that time. How is it January 18th already? New Year’s felt like 2 seconds ago.
My trip to Cali was a short, blur of activity since it was mainly for a wedding. I’ve managed to avoid the wedding barrage unlike most people my age, but it looks like my friends are relenting and getting hitched. I already have two other weddings to go to this year. Plus I’ll be back in San Francisco in September for my grandmother’s 90th birthday. I can’t wait to go back. Looks like this year will continue the last’s trend of traveling, of which I have no complaints. I may even try to squeeze in a Vegas trip in the fall.
And that’s one of the best benefits of not having a full-time job. The freedom is amazing. Well, as long as the jobs and money keep coming in.
Today, I’m trying to gather myself back up again. I’m fighting against the feeling of neglect towards all the little things in my life. The plus side is that I’ve already read two of the books in my Winter Reading pile.
I’m hoping to work on a few projects, which includes tweaking my portfolio site. I revamped it not too long ago so am wary that I’ll turn to an annoyed Vic to help me out. But that’s lower on my to-do project list which is tough because I feel as though that should be a higher priority. Alas, I’ve made some promises and I need to make good on them.
One thing I needed to do first is paint this page of a Chinese bible that my mom gave me. Not sure if “bible” is the right term since it’s Buddhism. The official name is the “One Million Heart Sutras in the Buddha” and I have a “Sutra Transcribing Kit”. In simple terms, I have a piece of parchment with faint chinese letters that I need to trace over with a calligraphy pen. Once done, I’ll mail it back to some temple in Taiwan to be among a million other transcribed pages. It’s pretty cool once you think about it.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. I hadn’t used a calligraphy pen since college art class and my hand was unnervingly shaky. I told myself, “Okay, so the first few lines will be a bit sloppy, but then I’ll get better and the rest will be awesome.”
I didn’t take into account that fatigue would set in after about 40 minutes and my jittery hand would stay that way for entirely different reasons. In the end, it took me a better part of the day, about 4 hours to do the entire transcription. And it doesn’t look too bad. Some splotches here and there but overall, I’m pretty proud that I pulled it off without any major disasters. I have no idea what I was writing which makes me wish I had the motivation to learn when I was a kid.
Daily Panic Level: Low
Financial Outlook: Decent. A few checks are expected
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 8 – 8 – 36
Last Night’s Meal: Tabla shrimp, veggies and brown rice
My friend Kristen has been trying to land me a gig at her current company for a while now. The problem is that the company is almost exclusively an interactive agency and I have very little experience there.
However, she seems to have made some headway and asked me to compile a PDF portfolio of my very best work. I definitely wanted to include my recent work from BBDO since it’s current, interactive and pretty cool. Thus most of today was spent on putting together a new mini-portfolio to send out by end of day.
I also couldn’t take it anymore so bought a stack of moving boxes and started packing up. My room is in such a state of disarray, it’s killing me. It occurs to me that much of what I have to pack are just books and design magazine. Heavy design magazines. It’s amazing how much a pile of books weigh, so I can’t stuff the boxes full. Thus I have a bunch of boxes half full of books and then I’m tossing whatever random stuff I can with them. And the boxes are still heavy. Good thing I’m planning to hire movers. They will not be fans of me.
But I’m thinking that once I get all my books packed up, there wont be much left. Furniture is confined to what I have in my bedroom and it’s not much. DVDs, too many CDs, art supplies, and clothes. That’s my life.
I’m feeling very uninspired with cooking right now. Money has led me to just rely on my cheap, easy dishes, but after a whole summer of eating the same thing, I’m just bored. My last trip to the grocery store came up mostly empty handed as far as dinner ingredients. I need some new recipes.
Daily Panic Level: A bit higher
Financial Outlook: C’mon BBDO, c’mooooooon
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 8 – 4 – 28
Last Night’s Meal: Beef chow mein, takeout
I survived a week back at work. Or at least I didn’t get chased out for being grossly incompetent. So I’m going to chalk it up to a successful experience. In fact, they asked me to come back in for next week.
It’s a new feeling to have a week off work and not be completely anxious about not working since I know something is lined up. I’m fighting off the urge to completely rest on my laurels for the whole week.
In reality, I’m going to spend some time taking care of errands that I neglected all week and weekend. Although the weekend inactivity had more to do with the massive shutdowns throughout the MTA which left me without any train service in my area. Thanks, MTA! You really know how to impress a guy.
Readjusting back to a business setting was more jarring than I anticipated. I’d forgotten how exhausting it is to be mentally “on” all day, and how restricted I felt, not being able to just get out of my seat and do anything I wanted for however long I wanted. Checking in with a boss was another splash of cold reality in my face. Even little things like having an unfamiliar and uncomfortable chair or not having the computer set up like I want it were issues for me. As a temp worker, I didn’t feel I had any right to meddle with those conditions. I have to say it was weird working in someone else’s place, especially the person’s totally disgusting keyboard (see the photo above). I’m not a germaphobe but come on!
The biggest highlight was on my third day, the entire office went to an elementary school in the Bronx to revamp their playground and paint a mural on the wall. As the creative department, it was obviously our role to design and paint the mural. We got there early to set up the grid, draw the outlines and paint the tougher areas. Then the rest of the company as well as a few Jets and Giants players came in to fill in the rest. Of course it seemed like more of a publicity stunt since the players were only there for about an hour and were taking photos with the media most of the time.
Still, it was a project that everyone in the Creative department took seriously. No slackers here. Even I felt very invested even though I was essentially an outsider. After the players and the rest of the company took off, we stuck around to clean up problematic areas of the wall and make it look extra awesome. The kids got out of class at some point and were flipping out over our effort. While we painted they were yelling out at us “This looks awesome!” “You guys are such good painters!” and even “Wow! The playground doesn’t look dirty anymore, it looks so nice!!!”
I have to say, it warmed my heart. As cliché as it sounds, just seeing the excitement on the kids faces was the most gratifying part. It was good to be a part of something truly beneficial to others rather than completely self-absorbed and at times evil, which is what my last job was pretty much dedicated towards.
The photos don’t do it much justice since you can only see about a third of the wall. The mural was huge! I think we were all surprised that we got it all done in one day.
Daily Panic Level: Low
Financial Outlook: Decent
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 7 – 3 – 21
Last Night’s Meal: Game hen with herb butter and mashed potatoes (that I cooked!!!)
Hallelujah! I got work! It’s only for a few days, but hell, it pays and it’s work! Woot!
There could be less glamorous jobs than the National Football League. I’ll be on site on Friday to at least Wednesday, so this site will be on hiatus during that time.
Today was another meeting with another recruiter. I’m not totally sure why I bother but it doesn’t seem to hurt to have these people out there for me.
On the train ride to the meeting, I got to observe the man across from me actually have to lift up his belly in order to check if his belt was buckled correctly. I think horrified is the term for my reaction. I looked down at my own stomach and couldn’t conceive of having that much mass on my person to require me to physically push it aside to view another portion of my body.
My meeting was near Bryant Park so I called Michelle to see if she wanted to grab lunch. Luckily, she was up for it. Although, her definition of lunch included perusing H&M as well, haha. But I didn’t mind. I don’t seem to have the aversion to shopping that most guys have. I mean, it’s an everyday part of everyone’s life. People make judgements and associations with what they see you wearing. Plus it’s a way to express yourself, however creative you want to be. How can that not matter or be interesting?
Of course, if you have a giant belly obscuring the top of your legs, you probably have bigger concerns than clothing.
Daily Panic Level: Lower
Financial Outlook: Hopefully better soon
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 7 – 3 – 20
Last Night’s Meal: Roasted chicken with veggies
Very last minute, I had a interview for a short freelance stint at NFL. Weird. Not sure if I ever imagined working there.
Walking into their office was an eye-opener. A giant projection screen behind the receptionist was showing a game from the past weekend. Big cushy chairs adorned the waiting area. A lady was showing what I imagine a football player around (my assumption is based on the fact that it was a giant of a man).
Still, work is work, and the name wouldn’t look too bad on my client list. The interview seemed to go over well so it’s just a matter of waiting. Again.
The train ride into the city was a chance to catch up on some podcasts. Particularly This American Life which revisits their excellent coverage of the world financial market in their most recent episode. I love their coverage of the topic because they make an effort to distill the information. What you’re left with is a lesson in tolerance.
Tolerance for all of those greedy, selfish people who put us in this mess. I don’t normally rant and point fingers like this but it’s frustrating to always be the honest, good guy who ends up picking up the check. Greedy bankers, brokers, investors who all knew they were building up a rickety tower. But also those homeowners who would sign up for NINA loans and try to buy houses that were out of their means. Leaving taxpayers to flood the markets with our money to stabilize their mess, even while banks freeze up the economy which puts the screws on our companies causing us to lose our jobs.
Okay, getting off my soapbox before I go any further. I don’t play the role of the victim. I hated my job anyway so it was a good excuse to get out. But jeez, do nice guys finish last or what?
My friend Brock convinced me to go with him to a singles event tonight, or as they affectionately titled it: Meatup. I don’t think either of us really took it seriously, but just before the event we each expressed concern that it’d be a sad affair with just us and two or three awkward guys. In fact, it was a giant crowd of mixed people. Although I do pretty horribly in those situations. Anytime I’m conscious of someone trying to set me up or in a situation where I know that’s what we’re all here for, I freeze up. Also, the wet t-shirt show was uncomfortable. Because it was a male wet t-shirt show. Sigh.
It wasn’t all bad though. I got to hang out with Brock more. Despite knowing each other for at least a year now, I’m only now just really getting to know him and he’s an interesting dude. We’ve gone on these weird adventures before (mixtape socials, drink n draw, etc.) and they always turn out better than we fear.
Daily Panic Level: Manageable
Financial Outlook: Not too bright
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 6 – 2 – 18
Last Night’s Meal: McDonald’s
Okay, so I’ve calmed down a bit from yesterday. The change in weather really did a number on me. It dawned on me how much time had passed.
I’m doing what I can and trying not to freak about what’s out of my control. I made a few emails, hit up a couple of job postings, organized my finances.
Then I realized that I hadn’t interacted with a single person all day. Okay, maybe there was a random one or two line chat with someone on gmail or IM, but that’s it. None of my many roommates have been around. (Not necessarily a bad thing.)
I’m trying to stay positive. Autumn should be a chance to reset a few habits and pick up a few forgotten ones. I should go to Strand and find a few new books. And hit up the museums in the city, which I haven’t done much of.
Incredibly, I’ve already had to break out a few jackets and warmer socks. I’m such a wuss when it comes to cold weather. But I’m a skinny person. I don’t have an ounce of insulating fat on my body. I don’t say that to boast. It sucks sometimes.
Daily Panic Level: High but under control
Financial Outlook: Bleak but under control
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 5 – 2 – 18
Last Night’s Meal: Roast duck with bok choy
Europe. Where to begin? It was my first time to visit the region, which is a crime, I know I know.
Living in New York City for over three years gave me several assumptions about how a big urban city operates and feels. So it was interesting to realize (almost instantaneously) that my expectations would not apply to London or Paris. The complete integration of so many cultures and nationalities was familiar to me. But what struck me was the sense of being saturated in history everywhere I went.
I kept relating things back to New York. Okay, New York definitely has its share of history, but over in Europe it’s on another scale entirely. I’d walk around a corner and be smack dab in the middle of some gothic courtyard or in the shadow of a giant cathedral. I loved it.
I noticed that throughout the trip I was mentally trying to defend New York. “Well, okay, they have Big Ben and Westminster Abbey, but we have the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building. They have Hyde Park but we have Central Park. They have Piccadilly Square and we have Times Square. They have Oxford Street, we have Broadway in Soho. They have the Underground, we have our MTA.”
Although I have to admit, our subways didn’t really hold up against the Euro counterparts. Both London and Paris just seemed to have their shit together more so than our MTA. The trains were always running, and often. The coverage of the cities seemed much more thorough with more easy transfers. The trains always had recorded announcements of the stops instead of the sporadic, garbled voices of the NYC train operators. The stations seemed cleaner. Though I’ve been all over the NYC subways so am thinking of all those ghetto remote stations whereas I only hit the major stops of the Underground and the Metro so maybe it’s not a fair judgement. Another point for the Underground is their iconic design, as well as the Paris Metro. The maps and logos are beautiful, even if not all that accurate as far as distances and locations. As a designer, I lean away from the MTA, sorry.
In Paris, my defending of NYC took a heavy beating. The Eiffel Tower? Sorry Empire State Building but that French monument is incredibly gorgeous. I was enamored with it at first sight. I was surprised at its scale, but I was unprepared at how much I would fall in love with it. The Seine… we have the… um… East River and the Hudson (which granted has some nice areas along it now). Monmarte… sorry West Village. The Louvre vs the Met? I never thought I’d see a place larger than the Met. The MoMA and the Pompidou Centre? The MoMA probably touts a heftier collection but the building in Paris is a sight to behold. Williamsburg? I’d rather hang with French hipsters in Montparnasse. At least we have the Statue of Liberty… which was given to us by the French. Okay okay, the Brooklyn Bridge is undisputed against any bridge in Paris, and even in my opinion over the bridges in London. I love New York, but I could envision myself living in Paris or London.
This trip was all about getting my feet wet. I hit up as many monuments and landmarks and museums as I could. I figured I could get these things out of the way so that next time I’ll be able to explore the more subtle, less-touristy areas. As for my parents, they were all about the food. Although I’m not sure how successful they were at experiencing British and French fare.
On a night out with my old high school buddy, Susan, I wondered if London has a Chinatown. She replied that after a year of living in the city that she hadn’t ever found it, if it exists.
Fast forward to the next morning when my parents were giddy about what they ate in Chinatown. They’re like blood hounds, except they sniff out soy sauce. Even at Harrod’s, a giant mega clothing store, my dad managed to find Peking Duck in their in-store restaurant. He was describing his meal with giant saucer eyes of excitement.
Fast forward again to Paris, where we met up with some friends of my parents. On our train into France we were each anticipating some tasty French cuisine only to have their friends take us to… Chinatown. To eat chinese food.
After that I gave up on meeting up with them for meals and on my own sampled some great food in both cities. Yes, I had the cliche Meal Outside Of A Picturesque Cafe In Paris. And yes, it was an exquisite meal.
Backtracking back to London, I was lucky enough to catch up with my friend, Susan two nights in a row. In junior high and high school, Susan was the “It” girl, at least among our group of friends. Every guy in our group was secretly in love with her. And rightly so, she was gorgeous without the typical ego that goes with that, insanely smart without ever talking down to you, funny and down to earth that makes her so approachable, and at 5’10″ (going into high school) incredibly intimidating. To this day I have no idea how I managed to become friends with her.
Since high school, our contact has been hit or miss. When we went off to our respective colleges, we had rough first years and somehow gained solace in our daily e-mails to each other. I remember those e-mails as a great highlight of my days (sad in a way I guess, but I don’t really think so) and I really wish I was able to retain copies of those. A downfall of e-mails over traditional letters.
After that first year, our contact has been reduced to seeing each other and other friends about once a year. Susan and I, were perpetually single so made the typical pact of getting married at 50 if we’re still unhitched. I even had the perfection wedding song of the Rolling Stones’ You Can’t Always Get What You Want to which Susan reacted with glee.
To my disappointment, she announced to me on one of the nights out that she’s engaged. In our collective group of holding out on adulthood and maturity, Susan was always a beacon of hope. But another one bites the dust. (For the record, I am happy for her.)
I was genuinely impressed with London so was blown away at how much more impressed I was with Paris. Wow. City of lights, romance… all that. Justified. I could keep going on about the beauty of the place… but I’ll try not to.
Predictably, my French was atrocious. Even at a museum ticket counter, all I said was “Un billet” in what I thought was pretty serviceable French only to get a response of “One ticket: 9 Euros.”
TWO WORDS! That’s all I said and she instantly knew I was an outsider.
Luckily, my effort was apparent so no one was all that rude to me. In fact, everyone seemed to be very friendly. Another museum attendant was gracious to me when I came up to her pleading for how to work the pay phones.
When was the last time you used a pay phone, really??? I’ve had a cell phone since junior year in college.
In Paris, after realizing the pay phones don’t accept change, after pantomiming to a convenience store that I need to buy a phone card, after being sold an international calling card whose prompts were all in French, after trying to dial the numbers and PIN codes anyway, after the attendant tried to decipher my calling card unsuccessfully, she followed me to a phone booth and let me use her phone card. I thanked her endlessly and tried to give her money for my 30 second usage of her card and she refused any money.
This post is mushrooming out of control, so I’ll wrap up. It was an amazing experience. I feel re-energized. It was good to get away from New York but I still lovingly consider it home. I absolutely want to go back, and absolutely want to learn a bit more French so as to not embarrass myself again. I still feel exhausted days later and have yet to collect myself back into a normal routine.
Daily Panic Level: Non-existent
Financial Outlook: No idea where I stand
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 16
Last Week’s Meals: Fish and chips, bangers and mash, chinese food, indian food, moroccan food, foie gras, canard, escargot, bouillabaisse, etc.
Looks like my prayers for “one measly job” were answered. I should’ve asked for a million dollars. So this project isn’t too glamorous or high-paying, but it’s something, right? Hopefully this will be the small stone that will start an avalanche of work.
…I think I just quoted a line from the Lord of the Rings. Oh man, am I a total geek or what? It wasn’t even an attempt at being snarky; it was something that naturally came out. Some dude in a football jersey needs to come stuff me in a locker.
So I spent most of the day working on the project which was tough since the new roommate and his parents were around to distract me with their noise and questions. I guess I’d gotten used to complete silence. My last job was full of ringing phones and frantic coworkers running around shouting for things. I do not miss that at all.
The dad was asking me questions and I began to realize that he was sort of talking down to me. Probably unintentional, like he was speaking to a kid, which I’m clearly not. But then it hit me that his 21 year old son is moving in to my apartment. How could he not forget that I’m 30 years old? Good lord, I’m a 30 year old with multiple roommates. I’m seriously lagging in the Adulthood game.
My main mission for today was to hit up the Drink N Draw session again. It’d been on my list ever since my first time and I haven’t been able to make it back. I started off rusty as usual but was really starting to feel like I began to recapture some of those long lost drawing skills. Or maybe it was the seemingly endless cans of PBR that I was gulping down which probably skewed my perception and made me think that I was doing good work.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high
Financial Outlook: Surviving
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 14
Last Night’s Meal: Angus steak with squash
My sleeping schedule is completely screwed up. I can’t fall asleep before 1:30 anymore. Even last night I tried to be good and got into bed at midnight but tossed and turned until 3:00. I couldn’t shut off my brain so gave up and watched a few 30 Rock episodes. Naturally that led to me not being able to get up at 8:30 as planned.
The days have been absolutely picturesque lately and it’s tough to not just blow off everything and hang out in the park or hop on my bike. Luckily I have an assortment of friends who are always looking to go work at a cafe. Today was Building on Bond which had a nice vibe and great decor. Vic was celebrating the completion of a project so we started drinking beers at 1:30 pm. Yeah, it was that kind of day. But I got something done nonetheless.
The days of being unemployed are a constant balancing act of trying to be responsible by looking for work versus trying to cultivate something more meaningful in my life. I’m just hoping that I can establish some freelance work to keep me afloat which would allow my panic level to go down enough to really focus on those other things. But “keeping afloat” doesn’t exactly sound like a lot of money and I’m so tired of skimping and scrounging money. I feel like a broken record when I tell my friends “I have to go cheap tonight.”
I guess the response to that could be to not go out and spend money, but being holed up alone in my apartment most of the week makes the social interaction at night necessary to retain my sanity.
Daily Panic Level: Still high
Financial Outlook: Being pretty good so far
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 1 – 14
Last Night’s Meal: Omelet, leftovers
Hallelujah! I got up at 8:00 today, which is by far the earliest in a long while. It might have had something to do with going to bed at a decent hour for once. I hit the gym which was surprisingly empty in the weight room. I usually see the same group of guys in there at my normal times. It’s funny to overhear a group of middle-aged old-school Brooklynites and their talk. I say “overhear” even though they’re basically shouting their conversations to each other.
My roommates and I were able to wrap up the hunt for a new roommate, which is a big relief for me. I couldn’t stomach the prospect of diving into Craigslist again. Half of our interviewees were no-shows. Sometimes I hate how the culture in New York accepts such a high degree of flakiness. So the winner of our third bedroom isn’t our ideal candidate but we’re all projected to be out of here in a few months anyway so no one really seemed to care.
I had my interview for a freelance job, which seems like it’ll happen. The work will start off pretty basic and light as they test me out but hopefully it’ll lead to some consistent (and higher paying) work.
I plowed through a ton of After Effects tutorials (with so many more to go). I’m guessing I’m about half-way through. I haven’t spent much time playing around on my own in the program. You know how people usually skip the instructions manual on games and toys? I’m the total opposite. I’m usually the one flipping through the book on the sofa while my friends are in front of me just popping the game into the console and firing it up.
I got to meet up with an old friend who I hadn’t seen in about two years. It was a good trip down memory lane. Lauren was a minor acquaintance while we were in Texas. She moved up to New York before I did, so I reached out to see if she wouldn’t mind letting me crash with her until I found my own place. She had no problems with it, and thus many of my fondest, most vivid recollections of my first days in New York are associated with her and her apartment in South Williamsburg. Today she even admitted that the two months I was with her were some of her favorite times in that apartment, which was gratifying.
She’s been doing well and been pretty stable, not going out much, now living with her boyfriend. That’s becoming a growing theme among my friends. It definitely makes me feel older. At times it seems like I’m the lone hold-out of my friends from high school or college.
Then again this is New York, where the maturity timeline doesn’t loom as large as other places I’ve lived. While requiring a little more effort, it’s still not too tough to find people who are up for going out and drinking on virtually any night of the week.
Daily Panic Level: Okay, if I get some work soon
Financial Outlook: Rough
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 1 – 11
Last Night’s Meal: Assorted Thai dishes
