I survived a week back at work. Or at least I didn’t get chased out for being grossly incompetent. So I’m going to chalk it up to a successful experience. In fact, they asked me to come back in for next week.
It’s a new feeling to have a week off work and not be completely anxious about not working since I know something is lined up. I’m fighting off the urge to completely rest on my laurels for the whole week.
In reality, I’m going to spend some time taking care of errands that I neglected all week and weekend. Although the weekend inactivity had more to do with the massive shutdowns throughout the MTA which left me without any train service in my area. Thanks, MTA! You really know how to impress a guy.
Readjusting back to a business setting was more jarring than I anticipated. I’d forgotten how exhausting it is to be mentally “on” all day, and how restricted I felt, not being able to just get out of my seat and do anything I wanted for however long I wanted. Checking in with a boss was another splash of cold reality in my face. Even little things like having an unfamiliar and uncomfortable chair or not having the computer set up like I want it were issues for me. As a temp worker, I didn’t feel I had any right to meddle with those conditions. I have to say it was weird working in someone else’s place, especially the person’s totally disgusting keyboard (see the photo above). I’m not a germaphobe but come on!
The biggest highlight was on my third day, the entire office went to an elementary school in the Bronx to revamp their playground and paint a mural on the wall. As the creative department, it was obviously our role to design and paint the mural. We got there early to set up the grid, draw the outlines and paint the tougher areas. Then the rest of the company as well as a few Jets and Giants players came in to fill in the rest. Of course it seemed like more of a publicity stunt since the players were only there for about an hour and were taking photos with the media most of the time.
Still, it was a project that everyone in the Creative department took seriously. No slackers here. Even I felt very invested even though I was essentially an outsider. After the players and the rest of the company took off, we stuck around to clean up problematic areas of the wall and make it look extra awesome. The kids got out of class at some point and were flipping out over our effort. While we painted they were yelling out at us “This looks awesome!” “You guys are such good painters!” and even “Wow! The playground doesn’t look dirty anymore, it looks so nice!!!”
I have to say, it warmed my heart. As cliché as it sounds, just seeing the excitement on the kids faces was the most gratifying part. It was good to be a part of something truly beneficial to others rather than completely self-absorbed and at times evil, which is what my last job was pretty much dedicated towards.
The photos don’t do it much justice since you can only see about a third of the wall. The mural was huge! I think we were all surprised that we got it all done in one day.
Daily Panic Level: Low
Financial Outlook: Decent
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 7 – 3 – 21
Last Night’s Meal: Game hen with herb butter and mashed potatoes (that I cooked!!!)
The day started by wrapping up the freelance project from this week and sending it off. Not sure what kind of response I’ll get but not sure how much I really care. Warning bells were raised when the company took over a week to get me a brief and elements for the project. Oh well, it was something and I get paid.
My friends and I came up with the idea of a shared travel journal. We all have trips in the near future and it seemed like a cool idea to document the experiences for others to see. The impetus of the journal started with me wanting to do a more personal iteration of the 1000 journals project. I wanted to spur some more creativity in myself and also my friends, as well as sharing something between us other than the endless rounds of drinks. Since my trip is the most imminent, I’ll kick the journal off. Hopefully it leads somewhere interesting.
Thus, I spent a portion of the day getting materials and prepping the journal. I’m genuinely excited. I’ve been working hard to regain my creative edge and these little things are going a long way towards that.
I found out that another of my friends got laid off yesterday. That brings the total of my laid off friends (including me) to: 10
The rest of the day’s agenda was derailed by afternoon beers (as mentioned previously). It wasn’t exactly the most responsible thing for Michelle or I but sometimes you need to blow off the to-do list.
The next two weeks will find me in London and Paris. My internet access will be spotty and who knows if I’ll have the time or energy to keep up with the daily posts so this blog will go on a brief hiatus. I’m predicting a large summary post when I get back. If I decide to come back.
Daily Panic Level: Low
Financial Outlook: Broke
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 15
Last Night’s Meal: Remaining angus steak and squash
[Okay, I missed my daily post for the first time, and I have no qualms placing all the blame on my friend Michelle for "dragging" me out at 3:30 in the afternoon to go on a marathon drinking session. So this post is a day late. All her fault. I mean, when someone invites me out drinking, I can't say no, right?]
It hit me that I don’t really have a whole lot of time to work on this new project so I woke up slightly panicked. I’d have to get the bulk (if not all) of the work done today so had to hit the ground early and fast.
Hence finally being able to get out of bed at 8:00. And subsequently feeling like a zombie by 12:00. My work stamina definitely took a nose dive.
I wasn’t feeling all that great about the designs I was working on, but I still feel a bit rusty. Plus, it’s a tight deadline for a project that just isn’t my cup of tea. Sports logos embody so much of what I hate: swooshes, bevels, embosses, gradients, starbursts, name any logo gimmick and it likely originated in a sports identity.
After getting some decent progress on them, I made it into the city to try and hit up the Chelsea art gallery openings. Unfortunately, I didn’t plan it out and neglected to check how many of the galleries were actually open today. Only a few galleries were open so I ended up early instead of late to a meeting of friends at Flatbush Farm.
I never learn. My friends are always late and I’m unfailingly on time. Not that I really hold it against my friends. It seems to be an accepted norm in New York. Even when I try to be late I end up beating everyone to the location. Probably because my concept of late means “not 15 minutes early”. It must be something in my DNA because I can’t seem to do anything about it. What’s the opposite of “Fashionably Late”?
Daily Panic Level: Medium
Financial Outlook: Poor
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 15
Last Night’s Meal: Grilled cheese sandwich
Looks like my prayers for “one measly job” were answered. I should’ve asked for a million dollars. So this project isn’t too glamorous or high-paying, but it’s something, right? Hopefully this will be the small stone that will start an avalanche of work.
…I think I just quoted a line from the Lord of the Rings. Oh man, am I a total geek or what? It wasn’t even an attempt at being snarky; it was something that naturally came out. Some dude in a football jersey needs to come stuff me in a locker.
So I spent most of the day working on the project which was tough since the new roommate and his parents were around to distract me with their noise and questions. I guess I’d gotten used to complete silence. My last job was full of ringing phones and frantic coworkers running around shouting for things. I do not miss that at all.
The dad was asking me questions and I began to realize that he was sort of talking down to me. Probably unintentional, like he was speaking to a kid, which I’m clearly not. But then it hit me that his 21 year old son is moving in to my apartment. How could he not forget that I’m 30 years old? Good lord, I’m a 30 year old with multiple roommates. I’m seriously lagging in the Adulthood game.
My main mission for today was to hit up the Drink N Draw session again. It’d been on my list ever since my first time and I haven’t been able to make it back. I started off rusty as usual but was really starting to feel like I began to recapture some of those long lost drawing skills. Or maybe it was the seemingly endless cans of PBR that I was gulping down which probably skewed my perception and made me think that I was doing good work.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high
Financial Outlook: Surviving
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 2 – 14
Last Night’s Meal: Angus steak with squash
The theme lately seems to be flakiness: by prospective roommates, current roommates, and prospective jobs. I can’t lock down either roommate for any of the responsibility of the new roommate transition which is frustrating since I’ve been doing all the work so far. And I was supposed to get briefed on a freelance project earlier this week but haven’t gotten anything despite follow-ups from me. I feel like an old man when I harp about accountability.
After weeks of delaying, I finally dusted off my sketch pad and started drawing. There is some serious rust in these skills. I started to get frustrated but also realized that I can’t expect to be doing anything too spectacular right off the bat. I’m willing to ease back into it. Not just getting my hands back into shape, I think it helped my mind get back into that creative/concepting space that has been neglected so long.
I’m going to try to promise myself to devote some time each day to sketch… Well, maybe each weekday. The weekends are too crazy and unpredictable, for now.
Today is Gina’s birthday. While I’m not hung up on her or anything, it inevitably leads me to reminisce about the birthdays we spent together.
The week’s winding down already. Time is flying by, not just for the week but for the summer as well. The beaches will close up soon and my friends’ plan to hit the Jersey water park will go on unfulfilled for another year.
Daily Panic Level: Slightly higher
Financial Outlook: Hobo levels
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 4 – 1 – 12
Last Night’s Meal: Chicken and pesto linguini with roasted pine nuts, leftovers
Another day, another cafe. This time was Cocoa Bar near my apartment. I was surprised at the size of the back and the fact that there was an outdoor area.
I continued to work on my design project. You could probably (or definitely) call it self-centered but the recent thinking about the path of my friendships, I decided to try to map out my social circles. It’s funny to see how people are connected to each other, even through means that don’t involve me. My mind was blown one day when I noticed on my Facebook feed that two people from opposite ends of my worlds were messaging each other. Turns out they were friends in college.
It’s interesting to me to realize how one stream of people can spread into a totally different group. I noticed that many of my friends come from my jobs. Probably the only beneficial thing for me out of those places.
It also feels like I don’t have that many friends when it’s all laid out on one page like this.
The graph is still a work in progress and even in the end, I probably won’t be able to clearly represent all the intricate connections, but it was a fun exercise.
Speaking of intricate connections, I’ve been getting responses to my Craigslist apartment ads and one person who responded turns out to be the ex-girlfriend of one of my friends! The post was anonymous so she doesn’t know it’s me, but we only met once and I doubt she’d even recognize me. I haven’t decided whether or not to respond to her email yet.
Daily Panic Level: I need to get some work!
Financial Outlook: Poor
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 3 – 1 – 10
Last Night’s Meal: Garlic pork chops and rice
Another day, another coffeeshop. For a guy who absolutely does not drink coffee, I spend a lot of time around it.
Today is Gorilla Coffee in the Slope. I’ve always liked their branding but have never stepped into the shop. Like Friday, I’m pretty much dedicated to trying to stimulate my creativity. Though my brilliant idea for an iPhone app that was going to make me rich has already been created, and it’s making someone else rich.
I had a good weekend, which tends to make it harder to be motivated. I’m lulled into a false sense of security and contentment. Maybe I should try being more miserable to light a fire under my ass. Although, I think I’ve been pretty disciplined so far. My living room contains a large flat screen with DVR and a Wii and I haven’t been tempted to waste away in front of it during the day. Yet.
I decided to set up my Holga camera. I haven’t touched it in over a year and that’s a crime. The problem is that film and development are so expensive. But my poor Holga has been neglected far too long so I’m going to take it out for a spin in the next few days. I can’t wait. There’s something that can’t be captured on digital cameras. Or maybe it’s just my crappy digital camera.
Speaking of photography, I got to meet up with someone I worked with on previous photoshoots. He’s a photographer who’s relatively new in the city so has yet to establish himself. He’s having the same issues as I am getting in the door of some of the places, so we met to just see if we could help each other out, essentially networking.
It’s a bit frustrating to see so many aspiring, talented people struggle in this city. I know several graphic designers, artists, fashion designers and now a photographer who all say they can’t seem to break past that first barrier. It has nothing to do with talent or skill, it’s all about who you know. I used to naively think that it didn’t matter if you went to a fancy school or schmoozed with the “right” people.
I’ve been having bouts of insomnia lately and this night I found myself at 2am browsing the iTunes music store. I stumbled upon a few Radiohead b-sides that I hadn’t heard yet. There was a time when I would scour for obscure tracks from my favorite bands. So much great music is hidden from people who rely on radio or MTV to tell them what to listen to.
One of my favorite Radiohead songs is a b-side found on a limited edition EP during the OK Computer era. Meeting in the Aisle is an electronic, instrumental only track, which was unheard of for the band at the time. It was like discovering a secret chamber in a house you’d lived in for years. The chill beats were perfect background music and there were plenty of nights in my dorm room when I’d let it play endlessly on repeat (on my CD player!) all night.
Daily Panic Level: Medium to high
Financial Outlook: Okay, not great
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Tofu with vegetables
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1 Year Flashback
I just discovered Lala, which is a great site for discovering music. It’s like iTunes but you can hear entire songs and follow the playlists of people with good tastes.
It reminded me of my old job where one guy would dominate the controls of the music in the studio. He would put it on one particular internet radio station and refuse to deviate from it. We quickly noticed that the station played the same playlist day in and day out so learned to loathe certain songs after hearing them for the 10th time in a given day. And he still refused to change it.
On days he’d be gone, we’d change the station but he would change it right back when he came back. I’m not sure if I preferred this to the agonizing silence of the job before.
I usually try to keep Fridays as a somewhat more relaxed day so didn’t have much planned. I woke up and hit the park with a soccer ball. I haven’t played much since I was a kid so was practicing some juggling and it’s safe to say that I’m TERRIBLE.
A few friends asked me to help them out with errands that they couldn’t take care of since they work during the day, so these things ended up sort of dictating my day. I really hope this doesn’t become habitual. For today, I didn’t really mind since I didn’t have much on my plate anyway.
One errand wasn’t too bad because it was a chance to ride my bike to Red Hook and I took the opportunity to explore around a bit. I don’t venture into the area much but am always impressed when I do. The revamped pier area and the old brick buildings are great to look at. I’ve only just ridden around but would one day like to take the time to eat at one of the restaurants or have drinks at the bars. This trip was to hit up the renown key lime pie stand for a friend’s party. I was a bit annoyed sine the website refused to list hours and didn’t give an address.
That’s the too-cool-for-school attitude that gives New York, and in this case Brooklyn, a bad name. The arrogance of it all. “Oh we’re too amazing to have to do the mundane things like keep regular hours. So if you want to find us, you’ll have to make the effort.” Assholes.
In the end, the pie was good but not THAT good.
I’ve been trying to watch my spending lately, which is fine for the most part. But sometimes it feels like I’m just welling up the desire to spend until it flows over and I end up buying something frivolously. Today for some reason, I’m eyeing a new watch. I love cool watch designs and am always on the lookout. I’ve been responsible though and only have two in my collection. Lately I’ve been wanting a third. I got the closest to buying it today. I’m still fighting my urge but it might be a losing battle. Lord forgive me, I’m a consumer.
Daily Panic Level: Lowering
Financial Outlook: Need to stay disciplined
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Marinara meat sauce with penne rigatoni, leftovers
—
1 Year Flashback
It was a Thursday which meant Anna and I (and sometimes Kristen) would hit the Chelsea Art Gallery openings on Thursday nights. Free wine and new art: a great way to spend an evening in New York. It was one of the few things at this time that made me feel like a civilized grownup, as well as still connected in some way to the art world.
I’ve disappointed myself lately. My daily schedule has slid later so that that I wake up later and go to bed later. This cannot happen. So I forced myself out of bed at 9:00 (which still looks ridiculously late as I type it) and headed off to the gym.
Today was going to be a bit of a change-up so I grabbed my stuff to head off to a cafe in the West Village. Spacious, with wi-fi, and a colorful collection of people around me, I thought it’d be a good way to get me into the mindset of doing stuff for myself and not just browse online job boards.
I had to fight off a severe bout of mental inertia but I also didn’t want to pressure myself. The last thing I need is to feel the weight of needing to “get stuff done”. I tried to let my mind flow a bit more freely than usual, and came up with a few art project ideas without thinking about feasibility or financial gain. Nothing great, but it’s the slow trickle that will hopefully unleash more and better ideas in the future.
One thing that had been on the backburner for a while is a photography project that I’ve wanted to undertake, but have been daunted by how. Even today, I’m balked by all the things I’d have to get together and figure out. But at least making a list feels like some sort of progress:
- need med/large format camera (problems: don’t have one, never used one)
- dark room facilities (there are places in Manhattan that can be rented. problems: never actually developed color photos, may need to take a class)
- print materials (mainly large photo print paper, i’m talking 3 ft tall at least)
- lighting equipment (can probably get from a friend, but haven’t had a lot of experience doing a setup)
- models (need a wide variety of ages, sizes, types, who can commit to several shoots over a period of approx 6 months)
- clothing (need a type of article for each model; due to the variety of the models, I’d have to find someone with access to a large quantity of clothing)
- 6 month time frame (initially to brief the models, do preliminary shoot, an interim shoot, and then a final shoot)
Uuuuuuugh. There’s way too much that I don’t know how to do or get. Fuuuuuuck.
A friend emailed me asking if I wanted to go on a canoeing trip this weekend, but alas I don’t have the cash to front the trip. I was bummed because I had just a week ago expressed to another friend how great it’d be to be able to go and do a kayak or canoe trip sometime. I was reflecting on the offer and realized that this group of friends has invited me to things in the past but only at the last minute because another person had backed out. It’s not like I’m close friends with the group so don’t have a huge issue with being their backup friend, but it still bruises the ego a bit.
In the evening, I ended up watching Cloverfield despite the bad reviews from several friends. Due to the low expectations, I ended up not hating it as much as I thought. The trailers and ads drummed up curiosity in me but I opted to not see it on the big screen, lest I throw up from motion sickness. I figured my smaller screen would be more tolerable, although there were still moments of frustration and nausea.
My impression is: Okay, so I was underwhelmed by the monster, but was impressed at the approach to the filmmaking. Knowing that much of the New York landscape was CGI, I have to give major props to the visual effects for tracking such a jittery and chaotic camera and making the city look seamlessly real. And I thought the narrow focus of the film helped bring you into it rather than watching it from afar. There were complaints that there was no explanation to the monster or the resolution, but the movie is deliberately kept at the point of view of the characters. I buy it. And yeah I was groaning in frustration as the characters made the classic horror movie terrible decisions, but that’s something they have to do. If they were sensible like I imagine I would be in that situation, they’d flee the city and there’d be no movie. That leads to the ultimate problem of the movie: They try to create the most realistic scenario as possible but then ask you to suspend your belief in the characters.
I also read complaints about how the movie was just focused on these bland yuppies that no one would care about. I sheepishly admit that while watching the opening party scene, I was thinking how it seems like a pretty decent party and could have imagined my friends in that very place. Am I a bland yuppy?? ?
There was the bombshell lead girl that was the cause of our group’s crusade into the chaos, but I gotta say I was more smitten with the Marlena character. The hair, eyes, clothes, and personality… I wouldn’t have complained if she had more screen time.
And what is it with Hollywood’s obsession with laying the smack down on New York City? It feels like there have been a lot of movies recently featuring the destruction of Manhattan. I’ll let the New York Times dive into that.
That said, I love seeing movies set in New York. Like I said in an earlier post, I still have an infatuation with the city and will always focus on the background when characters are walking on the streets. I’m always trying to figure out where they are. In Cloverfield, they duck into the 6 train station at Spring Street and all I could think was “That’s not what the station looks like! WTF??”
Just for that, thumbs down. Oh wait… Marlena… hmmmm.
Daily Panic Level: Medium
Financial Outlook: Carefully spending
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Marinara meat sauce with penne rigatoni
—
1 Year Flashback
Vacation’s over. Back to Hell.
Another day, another meeting with a recruiter. I was tempted to blow this one off since they never seem to help my job situation, but it’s not like I’m a really busy guy or anything.
Turns out the guy was pretty excited about my work and seems optimistic that he’d be able to generate work for me. I’ve heard that before. But it’s always nice to hear that my portfolio gets a positive reception. I’ve been having doubts about my ability to make it.
I talked to my ex (now friend) Gina who quit her job today. She was ecstatic and I’m happy for her. She’s toiled away at that place for nearly as long as I did at my shit company. We were able to compare atrocities, which helps cope with it all.
Gina’s been a constant source of solace and encouragement. We tread parallel paths into our respective careers and the support is helpful. In fact, I was the one who encouraged her to follow her passion of fashion design. She seems to be eternally grateful for that, but to me it just was obvious that she should’ve been in that field. She’s too smart and works too hard to not succeed. She’s a person I’ve always admired so even after our break-up, I wanted to make sure that she still played a part in my life, albeit a more minimal one. Good people are hard to find in life and it’s a smart idea to hold on to those few that you encounter.
As always, Gina inspired me to really examine what I’m doing in my life and figure out something that will fulfill me. Just blindly going after jobs doesn’t feel like the best idea. I seriously need to do some soul-searching and try to discover what will drive me.
I’ve never been the most career-oriented person. I have no grandiose fantasies about conquering the design world. I’m more content with doing good work and living my life with my friends and loved ones. I should utilize my innate art abilities, which have defined me all my life. But they’ve lain dormant for so long, I have fears about trying to summon them up only to discover that they’re gone forever.
The meeting with the recruiter allowed me to visit Union Square again. I love that area. There’s a strong sense of nostalgia for my first days in New York, just sitting in the square and people-watching. There’s a vitality and wonder that I experience sitting there that doesn’t exist in any of the other Manhattan squares (definitely not Herald Square which I find to be even less tolerable than Times Square). I didn’t linger long today since the heat and humidity left me drenched in sweat after 5 minutes.
Daily Panic Level: Medium High, still worried but more inspired to find something meaningful in my life
Financial Outlook: Still poor but with fresh groceries, the spending has been minimal
Job Scorecard (Interviews – Freelance Work – Freelance Busts): 2 – 1 – 7
Last Night’s Meal: Dried pork with congee
—
1 Year Flashback
Traveling out of Florida to Atlanta in a rental car. With such extended gaps in between, I enjoy driving on long trips. It gives me a chance to blast music and sing-a-long, which is sort of frowned upon on the subways.
